If you have read this blog in the past, you know I am so incredibly grateful for this baby.
I mean, on my face, humbled, tears running like a fire hydrant- grateful.
With that said, I have fears that haunt me.
1 John 4:18 says : There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has torment.
Torment is right Johnny.
My fears began before I was even pregnant
What if I can’t get pregnant?
What if I am paying for the sins of my past with this bareness?
The instant the test said positive my fears changed
What if I have a miscarriage?
At every pain below the belt, my heart would ache with Am I losing the baby?
As the weeks have progressed I have been a whirlwind of worst case scenarios
Will we have enough money to buy a house?
What if we can’t get one before the baby comes?
Will it be too much for my mother and mother in law to come at the same time?
Which will be the most upset?
Can we afford seminary?
Can we afford to fix the air in my car?
Will my work be able to pay me while on maternity leave?
How many jobs will The Hubs have to work to make ends meet?
How fat am I going to get?
What if I never stop throwing up?
What if my baby has Down’s Syndrome?
What if I can’t breastfeed?
I can already see the devil trying to get a hold of my marriage with these doubts.
It doesn’t help that I am grouchy and sleepy and nauseous 95% of time, but then add these panicky stress triggers…I am a bomb.
I am self-aware enough to notice that most of these fears relate to money. My marriage is my most sacred possession and I refuse to allow money to come between me and The Hubs.
But, What if… Nevermind. I’ve got to snap out of it!
Just like always, I know He will deliver me from these fears.
I sought You, Lord, and You heard me, and delivered me from all my fears- Psalm 34:4
Belly Question: What were your fears when you were pregnant?